No One
by L.A.D. CORP. iNC
Summary: Some people just brought out the worst in others. He decided that SHE was one such person. Naruto xover


A/N: My god. I actually wrote this ages ago, just haven't posted it. Dedicated to **Kagome-Is-Kool**, sorry it took so long to get out. If you're reading this, you might not even know what I'm talking about. Idea taken from her review for my Valentine one-shot back in February (I Just Couldn't Believe). Uh, not so much a pairing, just an interaction, and also not as funny as I hoped it would be, but I hope it'll be enjoyable nonetheless. Please read, review, and enjoy.

L

**No One**

No one questioned his masculinity. NO ONE. It was just not done. NOT done, you hear?! He fumed quietly, not letting any emotion sneak onto his impassive face. Who did that…that…_foolish imbecile_ think he was?! Bah! What did _he_ know, the blundering idiot. Orochimaru continued playing with his chopsticks, twirling them in slow circles as his teammate continued staring with wide-eyed glee at the women scattered around the room. It's not so much that he couldn't land a girl, he just didn't _want_ to. Definitely a large difference. What use was a woman anyway? Either they were pathetic bimbos that scream bloody murder at the first sight of danger or were freaks of nature that clobbered any, if not all, of the male population for eying them the wrong way.

Somehow, Jiraiya had managed to rope him into going out to a nearby restaurant for dinner with him. Figures he would spend the whole time trying to get a girl's attention. Now _that_ was a fault in his manliness. He couldn't even catch a girl's interest, the pitiful creature.

"Hey, what do you think 'bout that one, eh? Even you have to admit she's easy on the eyes, don't you, Orochimaru?"

He didn't even bother looking up from his bowl as he focused on trying to remember that jutsu he'd seen Sarutobi use earlier. What was it that he did on the seventh seal? Was it ram or tiger?

"Come now, really, it's like you have no interest whatsoever in the female species."

Honestly, he didn't.

"Just a quick look, c'mon! Just check out those _LEGS_!"

Legs? Why would he develop an interest in a woman for her _legs_? They'd only serve to be the tools for running away while deafening him or the tools to chase after and kill him. Not that a mere _girl_ will even scratch him. After all, he is the almighty Orochimaru, meant to one day rule all these worthless mortals. Yes, mortals. Immortality was within reach, he just knew it.

"I didn't come here to deal with this, Jiraiya."

"This is for your own good Orochimaru; you need to start, ah, appreciating the finer points in life."

"What will it take for you to shut up?"

The white-haired man's face visibly brightened.

"I say we make a wager, how 'bout it? Whoever gets the most positive response from her, wins. If I win, dinner's on you, and you admit you can't get a girl if your life depended on it."

"This is pointless."

"Well now, that's new, the genius here has the brain but lacks the _skills_."

Jiraiya proceeded to laugh heartily.

"I knew it! You have to learn to be a man, Orochimaru! Poor guy…"

He leaned over and patted his teammate's shoulder comfortingly.

"Tsunade must have done some real work on you, huh? Don't worry, you'll get over it, I did! Just because _she_ turned us down doesn't mean everyone else would!"

Orochimaru managed to let a bit of his confusion show as a delicate brow lifted. Tsunade? What did their other teammate have to do with anything? And who the hell ever said she turned him down? How did people get turned down if they didn't even ask people out in the first place?

"I was not turned—"

"That's the spirit! So how about it?"

"I'm leaving—"

"No you're not; if you win, I _might_ take back what I said, deal?"

"I will not be a part of this stupid—"

"Sit back and watch a pro work, Orochimaru, I'll have her hanging all over me in seconds!"

The pale man frowned, frustrated at being interrupted so many times and having to deal with this dim-witted…bet? Whatever this was. Ha! Like he would lose! Just look at him! He could EASILY have anyone he wanted. He had long, silky dark hair that tons of girls dream of. He had a naturally flawless and healthily pale complexion he'd seen some guy on a foreign magazine get plastic surgery for; did he mention it was _natural_? He had nice golden eyes and a delicate build, lean yet built, not at ALL feminine like Jiraiya claims. And, as soon as he discovers the secret to eternal youth, his look would be _permanent_; gaining immeasurable knowledge and power is a hefty bonus too. Who would not want a guy like _that_? He sat back calmly and crossed his arms over his chest, watching his teammate cross the length of the restaurant to the bar, slipping slightly on the edge of the mat while in the midst of the walk. Sad, there was just no other way to put it.

Jiraiya approached the young woman at the bar, screwing his face from the giddy grin to a casual, and he hoped, cool half-smile. You know, like those smirk-things that actors always wear, except it didn't scream for the camera, and got girls (plus the occasional guy) to drop dead from loss of air due to uncontrollable squealing. He leaned over her shoulder slightly, his arm propped confidently next to her sitting form, keeping her from getting up to leave.

"Why, hello there."

She barely turned, only enough so that Jiraiya could catch a glimpse of her profile. Her long, wavy black hair flowed freely, framing her face, and her bangs drew his sight to her blue-gray eyes. The mischievous sparkle he saw only fueled his self-belief. Why, by just looking at him she was already in a playful mood! It won't take much to convince her to have a drink with him, or…something.

"Hi."

He shifted, bringing his body closer and pressing softly into her back.

"I'm Jiraiya. And, who might you be? I haven't seen you around."

"Kagome, Higurashi Kagome."

There was a quiet giggle.

"I'm traveling, just stopping by for the night."

"I see."

Jiraiya reached over, purposefully trailing his hand down her arm and along her fingers, to grasp the neck of her sake bottle, before making a big show of bringing it up and shaking it beside his ear. Kagome had twisted further to better see the spectacle. She had to try really hard not to laugh at such an outrageous attempt of someone trying to hit on her.

"My, seems like you're running out. What do you say, next round on me, eh?"

He winked.

"Must be lonely drinking here all by yourself."

"No thank you."

Kagome reached over and grabbed her jacket, slinging it over shoulder, and whacking the sleeve into the very stunned man's face. She ignored his startled steps back as she pushed her chair away and stood up. Jiraiya hurried back to his table and watched as she paid the bartender, preparing to leave. Normally he would persist, but with the bet going on, he should let Orochimaru have a try… It's not like the guy would win anyway. He nodded to the paler man and flashed him a smile; he had gotten her name out of her, and a giggle, those were serious points right there. He received a bored sigh in return as his teammate sat up and sauntered slowly towards the girl heading towards the door.

Orochimaru smirked inwardly. Jiraiya had made a complete idiot out of himself, losing a girl in five minutes. He was going to make him eat. his. words… He flipped his hair over a shoulder, catching the girl's attention as the movement drew her eyes to him. Her eyes had widened a bit when they had landed on him. Good. He walked by briskly as if he didn't notice her and bumped his shoulder against hers sharply, eliciting a small gasp as she flinched back, bringing a hand up to rub the bruising spot gingerly. He turned as if surprised.

"My apologies miss."

He had been careful to draw out the 'S's in the words. He always felt like it gave him a slight accent. It was refreshingly exotic in his opinion. A lot of the teenaged girls he's seen lately have been fawning over men with brief accents, why not this one? Given she was a bit older, either late teens or early twenties like himself; her tastes should probably run along similar lines. Women were all the same anyway.

"Oh, it's nothing."

She smiled.

"Who are you?"

He couldn't resist the small triumphant sneer in Jiraiya's general direction. She was totally curious about him, a sign of interest.

"Orochimaru."

He said it, lacing cautious indifference into his name. He offered a small smile, forcing his face into a foreign position. He reached over and took a hold of a lock of hair, drawing it out to him. It was a dark tendril, like one of his snakes. He brought it to his lips, bending slightly seeing as the girl was shorter, but never broke eye contact. His mesmerizing gaze did a good job of keeping her attention on him as he noticed her watch his actions with large eyes.

"You know, Orochimaru, you remind me of a man I knew."

"Is that so?"

He let her hair slide from his fingers, watching it flow back into place by her shoulder.

"Is that a good thing?"

She seemed to think hard about the question.

"He is an…unforgettable person."

She took a step closer.

"I'm Kagome, by the way. Higurashi Kagome."

"A pleasure."

She circled him, bent slightly as she eyed him with curiosity. He let her, a satisfying feeling of pride swelling in his chest. Unforgettable, was he? The man she knew? Well, that had to be a good thing, if he was being compared to that. The man was probably a boyfriend of some sort or other. He was winning hands down. He could feel Jiraiya's heated stare at them rather than see it as Kagome stopped and stood in front of him again, face indifferent.

"What was this man like?"

One of her hands reached for his hair, mimicking his actions from before, tangling her fingers in it and letting it slip from her gentle grasp like water. She then turned her focus to his pointed earring, fingering it for a bit.

"You look alike, for starters: long black hair, confident stance, tattooed eyelids…"

Kagome's soft fingers had trailed to the ends of his eyes and touched his eyelids in a butterfly's kiss, like she was emphasizing her point.

"You feel the same too, your aura, I mean… Strong, self-assured, dark…"

She liked that, did she? Strange girl. Although, he shouldn't be surprised, he knew he would be irresistible. He turned and looked at Jiraiya with an expression of unconcealed smugness. Yes, envy his position. The wandering fingers were upon his cheek now.

"That man's name was Naraku…"

Her warm touch suddenly pulled away.

"…and I'm bloody glad he's burning in _HELL_!"

Orochimaru could not even register what was happening. One second he saw the angry face of one Higurashi Kagome, next second he felt a hot, stinging pain on his cheek and felt the breeze of a door slamming shut. Saying he was astonished would be an understatement. Amidst his anger of being caught off guard, Jiraiya's hysterical laughter, and his utter frustration at the humiliation, Orochimaru came to a decision he would remember for the rest of his life: from this moment onwards, if he ever had the urge to pick someone up, he'd go find himself a nice pliant little boy, who would be completely submissive with the proper…persuasions, little boys that would come running into his open arms. He could already picture his dark-haired prey as a malicious leer crept up his face. Damn wench, screwed as she was next time, should they come face to face, she had opened his eyes to a whole new possibility, and he couldn't suppress the wild roars of laughter that spilled from his lips.


End file.
